I want to return…but…

It has been a long time since I walked in these halls. I know that I promised to return but I have been busy with work and other artistic pursuits. If you go on my Facebook page you will see some of these pursuits but of course you are not entitled to do so. I am not forcing you to look at that page. I am only writing this to say sorry that I have been away so long. I know that I gathered quite a few followers last year when I was posting every day. I have not purposely betrayed you. I am just doing other things at the moment. I will probably not return here for awhile so if you want you can unfollow me and move on with your lives, please do not though, I LOVE YOU!  I am not here to cause you any pain so if my absence is bothering you, please find a more reliable poetry blogger (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!)

Don’t fear though friends, I have not abandoned poetry. I actually am still writing and at the moment am trying to get into it again especially since May is poetry writing month or something. Maybe I will post something here but do not hold your breath. If you are desperate for me there are some poems on my Instagram and my Facebook page. Okay so you have got me feeling bad now, okay I will try and post here again. Its just friends I feel so burned out from writing on here all last year. I hope you understand.

Kindest regards

—–Shadows–

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What is freedom?

Horned beast

In an endless grass field

Clovers and

Buttercups

Freedom

but

trapped

 

Horned beast

Bound in chains

Destined to live in this wilderness

but not really

taste it

Not taste the way wind does when

It is in the lungs of the free

It only knows the distance the chain runs

Any further and it cuts in

A constant reminder of being

confined to this place

Unable to run out beyond

what the teeth can crop

The hooves can feel

The place only the eyes can have

Beyond even that

Dreaming of more

 

They say

“How can you be trapped.

This is beauty.”

But they haven’t felt

the chain

The object that is not just object

It is

Inside

A goat can pull free from the chain

but it can’t really be broken

Freedom can be forgotten

A collar can be remembered

long after it falls

to the ground

It can take a long time to remember

To feel

the wind

how it

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I have returned!

Hello all,

I am sorry for leaving you but after writing so many poems I needed to have a break. I told myself that I would return here and write poetry again on the 1st March, and I will do this. Look out for a new poem tomorrow. If you do not see one then you have every right to leave a angry comment. Don’t forget that I also post poetry and other bits and bobs on my Facebook and Instagram pages, the links for these are on my main page under page links.

I can not promise that I will write a poem a day but I will try to write at least one a week. I got a job two weeks ago so my life is no longer fully resolved around poetry and trying to find a job. It is quite nice to have a source of income though. Quite nice to feel like I am contributing to the world. To all those looking for something, do not give up! There is something out there for all of us. My job isn’t perfect but it is a start, a step on the ladder towards a better life. I can actually see clearly now after so long trapped in the fog. Anyway thanks all of you for reading, liking and following this blog. It means a great deal to me that there are people that enjoy my writing. I will see you all tomorrow with a new poem.

 

Thank you all

-Shadows-

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Skin

Bad sunburn

Face peeling away

Once it all goes

will I become a new person ?

Will the new skin

bring on

a change?

Am I able to peel of the old me

and bring out a stronger

more confident model ?

Wouldn’t that be great ?

Wouldn’t life be easier if

each time our faces shed the old skin

we became better people?

That could be exploited though

People may all become

perfect

grinning

skulls

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Mirror

I am searching for your face

in others

Trying to recreate what we had

I still have your marks

on my skin

How you showed I was yours

I don’t think yours would have faded

Do you hide them

from her?

We were tied by the red string

but you severed it

and I’m still bleeding out

Dying slowly

Searching for you

among strangers

I will feel nothing with them

Their hands rough

but I can’t go home to an empty house

The ugly furniture

will just be that now

It was “ours” before

but now it deserves the rubbish heap

Like you do

I need to throw you away

but instead I look for you

among strangers

Try to find someone like you

Some bandage for my

bleeding heart

 

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Jeremy Kyle

Patience wearing thin

I need to climb out of this tire track

I have been here for years

barely living

Only being

I need to escape this dead end

This horror that is slowly becoming my whole life

Each year I think I see the end of this

the finishing line

but it gets further away

the closer I come to it

Its hard to push away the fear inside

that this may be

everything

This may be what my life becomes

 

GET OUT

GET OUT

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE

THIS PLACE THAT IS STEALING MY SOUL AND

MAKING ME

BECOME OKAY

WITH THE MICROWAVE DINNER,

TV

AND THEN BED

LIFE

I NEED MORE

I NEED TO

ESCAPE

I NEED THIS SO BADLY

MY INSIDES ARE BURNING

FROM KEEPING THIS ALL IN

I NEED TO GET OUT

THERE MUST BE SOME WAY

THIS CAN NOT BE THE WAY MY LIFE GOES

I SCREAM

I HAVE TO FUCKING GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

HELL IS NOT BELOW

IT IS HERE WITH ME

EVERYDAY

 

Jeremy Kyle is my savoir

My knight in shining

armor

The rotten toothed people on his couch

slightly more pathetic than me

I can watch with my greasy hands in another bag of chips

and pretend I am some god

Someone better than these people

I am not

Not really

but I am not there on his couch

so I am not too bad

 

SCREAM

SCREAM

WHY CAN I NOT DRAG MY ASS UP FROM THIS MEDIOCRITY?

WHY AM I CONTENT ON

“PAYMENTS”

HOW CAN I SIT WAITING

IN THAT DOLE OFFICE?

SIT WAITING FOR THEM

TO HUMILIATE ME

HOW?

HOW?

WHY HAVE I BEEN A VICTIM

OF MYSELF?

WHY HAVE I LET THIS GO ON SO LONG?

SURELY

SURELY

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ROAD I WAS DRIVING DOWN

SURELY

 

SCREAMS

IT MUST CHANGE

IT MUST

I CAN NOT DIE HERE

NOT LIKE THIS

NOT WITH ME LAUGHING AT THE PEOPLE

ON JEREMY KYLE

NOT WITH ME PRETENDING THAT I AM BETTER THAN THEM

NO

I WILL NOT LET THIS BE

I WILL NOT DIE IN THIS FILTHY

DRAINAGE DITCH

THIS SEWER

THIS PLACE WHERE SOULS GO TO DIE

AND LIFELESS LUMPS RESIDE

NO

I KNOW I AM RANTING

BUT

NO!

THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO GO

I SCREAM AND SCREAM

FACE RED AND TONSILS SHOWING

I SCREAM AND SCREAM

FUCK THIS

I WILL NOT DIE HERE

I AM MORE THAN

THIS

 

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Savage

View

Mountain high

Feeling trapped inside

I begin to imagine

Escaping into that land where everything can happen

 

What monsters

live in the trees

upon that mountain?

What would it be like to live among them?

No worries

Only the next meal

No fears of being

nothing

Perhaps I could become one of them

Taste the leftover blood on my teeth

I would be eating the very thing I am

Eating anxiety

and fear

That would probably upset my insides

All that troubled thinking

But I don’t think the monsters consider that a problem

A queasy tummy to them

is probably a easily

forgettable

pain

I would like that

Like to be able

to just shake it all off

and keep on going

 

Maybe I should go

up there

Be one with the monsters

They may eat me

They do say

blood stains the trail

Many go up to hunt the monsters

with their big boy toys,

guns

and spears

I will go up with nothing

Show them I mean only peace

Perhaps then they will

not strike me

See I mean them no harm

Only want to join a life without

pain

They are monsters though

I could just be meat

A skeleton lying in a cave

More blood on the trail

Its worth the risk though

Worth the risk

to live

a life without pain

 

View

Mountain high

I gaze out the window

and imagine a better life

Life with the monsters in the forest

A savage

but

free

life

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