Skin

Bad sunburn

Face peeling away

Once it all goes

will I become a new person ?

Will the new skin

bring on

a change?

Am I able to peel of the old me

and bring out a stronger

more confident model ?

Wouldn’t that be great ?

Wouldn’t life be easier if

each time our faces shed the old skin

we became better people?

That could be exploited though

People may all become

perfect

grinning

skulls

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Mirror

I am searching for your face

in others

Trying to recreate what we had

I still have your marks

on my skin

How you showed I was yours

I don’t think yours would have faded

Do you hide them

from her?

We were tied by the red string

but you severed it

and I’m still bleeding out

Dying slowly

Searching for you

among strangers

I will feel nothing with them

Their hands rough

but I can’t go home to an empty house

The ugly furniture

will just be that now

It was “ours” before

but now it deserves the rubbish heap

Like you do

I need to throw you away

but instead I look for you

among strangers

Try to find someone like you

Some bandage for my

bleeding heart

 

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Jeremy Kyle

Patience wearing thin

I need to climb out of this tire track

I have been here for years

barely living

Only being

I need to escape this dead end

This horror that is slowly becoming my whole life

Each year I think I see the end of this

the finishing line

but it gets further away

the closer I come to it

Its hard to push away the fear inside

that this may be

everything

This may be what my life becomes

 

GET OUT

GET OUT

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE

THIS PLACE THAT IS STEALING MY SOUL AND

MAKING ME

BECOME OKAY

WITH THE MICROWAVE DINNER,

TV

AND THEN BED

LIFE

I NEED MORE

I NEED TO

ESCAPE

I NEED THIS SO BADLY

MY INSIDES ARE BURNING

FROM KEEPING THIS ALL IN

I NEED TO GET OUT

THERE MUST BE SOME WAY

THIS CAN NOT BE THE WAY MY LIFE GOES

I SCREAM

I HAVE TO FUCKING GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

HELL IS NOT BELOW

IT IS HERE WITH ME

EVERYDAY

 

Jeremy Kyle is my savoir

My knight in shining

armor

The rotten toothed people on his couch

slightly more pathetic than me

I can watch with my greasy hands in another bag of chips

and pretend I am some god

Someone better than these people

I am not

Not really

but I am not there on his couch

so I am not too bad

 

SCREAM

SCREAM

WHY CAN I NOT DRAG MY ASS UP FROM THIS MEDIOCRITY?

WHY AM I CONTENT ON

“PAYMENTS”

HOW CAN I SIT WAITING

IN THAT DOLE OFFICE?

SIT WAITING FOR THEM

TO HUMILIATE ME

HOW?

HOW?

WHY HAVE I BEEN A VICTIM

OF MYSELF?

WHY HAVE I LET THIS GO ON SO LONG?

SURELY

SURELY

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ROAD I WAS DRIVING DOWN

SURELY

 

SCREAMS

IT MUST CHANGE

IT MUST

I CAN NOT DIE HERE

NOT LIKE THIS

NOT WITH ME LAUGHING AT THE PEOPLE

ON JEREMY KYLE

NOT WITH ME PRETENDING THAT I AM BETTER THAN THEM

NO

I WILL NOT LET THIS BE

I WILL NOT DIE IN THIS FILTHY

DRAINAGE DITCH

THIS SEWER

THIS PLACE WHERE SOULS GO TO DIE

AND LIFELESS LUMPS RESIDE

NO

I KNOW I AM RANTING

BUT

NO!

THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO GO

I SCREAM AND SCREAM

FACE RED AND TONSILS SHOWING

I SCREAM AND SCREAM

FUCK THIS

I WILL NOT DIE HERE

I AM MORE THAN

THIS

 

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Savage

View

Mountain high

Feeling trapped inside

I begin to imagine

Escaping into that land where everything can happen

 

What monsters

live in the trees

upon that mountain?

What would it be like to live among them?

No worries

Only the next meal

No fears of being

nothing

Perhaps I could become one of them

Taste the leftover blood on my teeth

I would be eating the very thing I am

Eating anxiety

and fear

That would probably upset my insides

All that troubled thinking

But I don’t think the monsters consider that a problem

A queasy tummy to them

is probably a easily

forgettable

pain

I would like that

Like to be able

to just shake it all off

and keep on going

 

Maybe I should go

up there

Be one with the monsters

They may eat me

They do say

blood stains the trail

Many go up to hunt the monsters

with their big boy toys,

guns

and spears

I will go up with nothing

Show them I mean only peace

Perhaps then they will

not strike me

See I mean them no harm

Only want to join a life without

pain

They are monsters though

I could just be meat

A skeleton lying in a cave

More blood on the trail

Its worth the risk though

Worth the risk

to live

a life without pain

 

View

Mountain high

I gaze out the window

and imagine a better life

Life with the monsters in the forest

A savage

but

free

life

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Obsessions

Dangerous mindsets

Trying to ignore what they say

Suddenly feeling vile

inside myself

Outside too

I would like to go back to

feeling

what I consider

normal

Of course though

everything

feels too tight

and I must stare at the growth

Obsessing

Especially as I am not in a position

to do much about it

now

When I can

I will make some changes

to reverse what is real

Hopefully that will send unreality away

and I can sleep

without worrying

that my blood circulation

will be

cut off

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Returning

Hot night

Summer finally

showing her colours

Will she stay though?

Or retreat back

behind the clouds

 

She has heard the complaints

The anger at her hiding

She has decided to come out

but she seems shy this year

after people complained about the heat

last year

She doesn’t know what the people

want

 

Shine on summer

I love the heat

The chance to play in our ocean landscape

Shine on summer

Don’t listen to them

Shine on summer

Ask winter

to be especially cold

to keep the complainers

quiet

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Promise

There is a story in my head

but right now it is balled up wire

As of now I do  not have the tools

to untangle it

So

it

viciously torments

me

 

I do not know the words

to this great novel

They have not yet

come

I can feel it there though

That bundle of wire

taunting me

Wanting to be stretched

out

and released

 

There is the promise of

something

Something

big

A tree reaching into the clouds

One day  I will untangle that great ball

and the words will spill out

uncontrollable

One day

For now though it is my burden

A great pain

A want

A desire

for something

bigger

than what I can already

achieve

 

 

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